Day two

I'm keep wondering when I'm going to stop being a crazy person. I'll be fine, sitting at the table eating supper, watching TV, talking to DH and then all of a sudden I break down sobbing. Poor DH keeps telling me to cheer up and be happy. He's trying so hard to make me smile and laugh, it kills him to see me this way. I finally got him to tell me how he felt about it all. He didn't want to. He said it's his job to make sure I'm happy and by telling me how he felt it might make me feel worse. I told him I NEEDED to know how he felt because right now I feel like you don't care. He said he's bummed, depressed, angry, upset. The cramps are much less frequent and not quite as strong as they were. I have no idea what that means. I think I'll be going to the ER at some point over the weekend if things don't change. I'm running a low grade fever still, I feel like crap, and I NEED to know what's going on. I'm sure at some point the pain will get pretty severe again and I'll call the triage line and tell the nurse I'm miscarrying and can't take the pain, they'll give me the OK to go to the ER. I'm assuming they'll do more blood work to check my HCG and do an ultrasound (they didn't do one the other day). I'm just scared something wrong (more than losing the baby) is going on. From everything I've read, with chemical (which the doc said this was) your period usually shows up just a day or two late. Well it's almost a week late, my HCG levels have been at 9 or lower for at least 48 hours and I haven't had so much as a speck of blood. He said the cramps wouldn't be much worse than normal period cramps and the flow wouldn't be that much heavier. The cramps are more like contractions and I really don't feel like things are progressing like they're supposed to be. DH has to work a 24 hour shift today and has some training tomorrow morning so my body has about 24 hours to do what it's supposed to do naturally and then I'm letting medicine take over!!!!! I've already missed 3 days of work. I work for a moving company that does mostly military and department of state (diplomats) moves. I was just doing accounting but now I'm also the "move manager" for all department of state moves. I contact them and get necessary paperwork, set up their packing and delivery, deal with problems, easy fears, all that stuff. I really don't need to miss anymore work. Those people are depending on me. I have been checking email from home but it's not the same.

I haven't told anybody in person (other than DH) that I've had a miscarriage. At some point today or tomorrow I've got to go talk to my Chief and tell him why I couldn't police the graduation last night. It'll be hard enough telling someone but he is such a good, caring man. I know he'll come close to crying and that'll just make me lose it.