So frustrated

It's been a kinda crappy day. The day started off with DH hurting himself. He couldn't get our 3-wheeler to start. We have a pretty steep driveway so he was letting it roll down the driveway then jumping on and popping the clutch. He did it a couple of times and didn't get it to start. The last time he tried it he fell, the 3-wheeler ran over him, then it drug him down the driveway a little bit. He wasn't hurt bad. He has some road rash on both legs, one arm and elbow, and his chest. I coated it really good with antibiotic cream. I'm SO glad I didn't see it happen. I was scared enough when I ask him if he was OK and he said no. He eventually got it running and then started working on it. One piece came off that wasn't supposed to and it took forever to get it back on which really ticked him off. After about 3 hours in 93 degree heat he got everything back together and the pull start thingy won't budge. Basically it's broke now and we'll have to order a new part. He starts kicking things and yelling, then crying. He's got such bad luck. Everything he gets breaks or just stops working. Nothing ever seems to go right for him. His clutch on his Jeep is going too. I'm to the point to where I just don't know what to do anymore. I want to try and make him feel better but I just don't know how. He blames God for every bad things that happens and continually says that God hates him. It is unfair and does suck that he spends all his time helping save other people's lives, both at work and in his free time, including getting up at whatever time of night that pager goes off, and then nothing goes right for him. That was a serious run on sentence. 80% of the time I feel helpless and sorry for him but 20% of the time I just get so angry and fed up with it. Sometimes I wonder how I can bring a child into our home because of his temper. He's never violent towards people, could never hurt someone. He hurts when other people do. It's just the yelling. He wasn't this way when we first got married. I know it's 20% just fed up and tired of the Army, of being treated like crap and like he's 12. It's 70% the fact that he hasn't really slept in about 3 years. He developed sleep apnea about the time we got overseas. I know my temper is bad enough after 3 or 4 nights of no good quality sleep. I can only imagine what it would be like after 3 years. Thankfully he finally went and got a referral to do a sleep study. He went last Tuesday to do one and has another one this coming up Wednesday. He got a letter in the mail Friday confirming that he does have mild sleep apnea. He stops breathing between 15-20 times a night. His next sleep study he'll be using one of those CPAP machines. They offered him a sleeping pill last time (either Ambien or Lunesta) and he didn't take it. I told him TAKE IT!!! Between that and the machine he should get such a good nights sleep. This is one of those situations where having Tri Care is a serious advantage. We can either go buy the machine ourselves or wait a few weeks to get it through the pharmacy on post. Those things are around 1000 bucks and we'll be reimbursed 100% if we get it on our own. I'll be so thankful to have my husband back and so thankful that he'll be feeling better. That leaves 10% which is actually his own temper.

I think my temper is just as bad but I hold it in until I explode. The way he handles it is probably much healthier in the long run.

So far nothing bad has happened to me, but it's only the first day of the week (if you want to consider it that). Hopefully the only "bad" thing this week is Wednesday. I would have been 7 weeks tomorrow and we would have been seeing our baby for the first time Wednesday. It's going to be a rough day. On a much happier note I had really sharp ovary pains for a few minutes today. They were the exact same as my Clomid cycle. The Clomid cycle pain lasted 2 or 3 hours instead of 2 or 3 minutes but I'm sure that was the Clomid causing that. I'm pretty confident that I O'd today. WoooooHoooo I guess we'll know in about 14 days. I know I said I wasn't going to test until after AF was due to try and avoid knowing about another chemical but the 22nd is DH's birthday and I'll be 9DPO. I'll have to test that day just because it would be such a great birthday present for him.

If you made it through this thank you! I just needed to vent. Please don't think DH is a bad person because of his temper. He's the most wonderful, caring, compassionate man I've ever met (other than my daddy :) )