So yesterday two adoption agencies called me and left messages. I called one back today. She was super nice. The agency gives preference to infertile couples, specially those without children already. There's a $300 application fee, $50.00 a piece background check fee, and a $1500.00 home study fee. The application fee and background check are due when the application is turned in. The home study fee we would pay to her when she came (the lady I talked to today would be my contact as well as do our home study). Right now the black and black/white mix lists are open. She said the hispanic/white list will be opening in the next few months. The white list is like super long and closed. There is a flat fee of $19,000.00 that wouldn't be due until the baby was in our arms. I like that part of it. The best part, to me, is this: In Alabama there is a 5 day waiting period. The birth mother has 5 days to change her mind, no questions asked. In Feb. this agency started waiting until that period is over. When we get to number 4 or 5 on the list they'll let us know so we can be prepared, the wait would be pretty short then. They won't actually let us know that a birth mother has chosen us until the baby is legally ours. We wouldn't be able to be at the hospital for the birth which is kinda sad, but we wouldn't have to deal with the fear and pain of falling in love with a baby and having the birth mother change her mind. She said that on average it takes 2-3 months to complete the application process and background check. After that we would set up the home study and it would take her 2-3 weeks to complete that report. She said she would know when she left our house if we were approved so I'm assuming we'd know in a few days if we were or not. She also said if I happened to get pregnant while we were on the list that it's possible we wouldn't be taken off this list. It would depend on if we thought we could handle another baby and if she though we were able to handle it based on getting to know us. She was really nice. The agency is about 3 hours away but there really aren't any any closer.
Now the problem is getting DH on board. He's 100% willing to adopt, he's just not ready to give up. I'm not exactly ready to give up but I just want a baby. I'm almost 30. If I'm not pregnant this cycle (which I doubt I am), I'll turn 29 without a baby. I'm going to try to calmly,without emotion, talk to him about it. When I'm not sure. I want to go ahead and fill out the application. She said it takes most people 3-4 weeks to do that part. There are 36 questions about our families, beliefs, pasts, goals, dreams.... that we BOTH have to answer. We both have to get a physical, we've both got to get letters from people who know us, we've gotta get everything together for a background check, we've got to fill out the actual application saying what we are willing to accept and aren't. It's a lot. After that the background check can take up to 3 months to come back. She said right now they're coming back in about a month/ month and a half. On the lower end of that we'd be looking at mid-August before we were ready for a home study. The upper end mid-October. We already agreed to start the process October/November time frame. I just think it would be smarter to start that part now and be ready to start the home study before Christmas instead of not being able to start that until closer to my birthday. I'm going to ask how long our background check is good for if I do get pregnant. We still want to adopt. To me it would be worth the possibility of losing the $400.00 than waiting. Cross your fingers, pray, whatever it is you do that DH agrees with me.
The more I think about it the more excited I get. I've ALWAYS said I was going to adopt. Mom and dad said I started saying that when I was like 6. Ahhhhh....our application packet should be here Friday or Saturday.
Super long post today. The first set of questions is on Family of Origin. The first question is: "Describe the family in which you grew up; including roles of family members, relationships between parents, relationships between siblings, and involvement with extended family members" I'll leave blanks in this where I think it would give too much personal information :) There's crazies out there.
--> I grew up an only child with two wonderful parents. My extended family is very close as well. My parents rarely fought, they still don't 33 years later. Watching them taught me what a marriage is supposed to be like. They suffered multiple miscarriages after me but those losses only made them stronger. They've also taught me what it means to be a good parent. They treated me with the right amount of rules and freedom. They love me unconditionally. We still talk almost everyday and I know that all I have to do is call and they'll be there. My extended family spends all holidays together. When I was younger it drove me crazy but moving overseas for three years, being away from everyone, was one of the hardest thing I've ever done. I know that no matter what they will support me and my husband in whatever we chose to do.
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