Another week

I was really hoping that this would be a better week than my past two. Just as I was getting physically over the miscarriage I got either a stomach bug or food poisoning. Missed three more days of work. Last night my side started hurting and I was feeling funny. Now I have a UTI. That leads me to believe it was food poisoning that I had and things just migrated up my urinary tract since it was a very bad whatever it was. I won't go into details I'll just leave it at saying I embarrassed myself in the ER (luckily I was in a room) and ended up going home in a gown. So yeh, week one started with a miscarriage, week two started with a stomach bug thingy, and week three starts with a UTI. I'm really trying to lean on God here because I don't know how much more I can take. It seems like the bad is never ending. Thank God my work still wants me even after missing two weeks of work.

I still have my bad moments where I cry. I think DH thinks I'm nuts, and I am a mess. I did the home UTI test saw it was positive and just lost it. He was like, why are you crying? (not in a mean way) It's OK. You can just take some medicine. The one thing the past two weeks has done is remind me of how wonderful my husband is. He waited on me had and foot when I was sick even though he had things he wanted to do. He had taken leave last week to do some things and ended up wasting those days taking care of me. He held me for forever when I realized we had lost the baby. He cried with me when I was actually miscarrying and the pain was so bad.

We got in an "argument" last night. He was trying to separate out clothes to wash and I was trying to fill out an adoption application. I was asking him questions and he can't really do two things at once. I don't remember what he said but I slammed my laptop shut and said something along the lines of "fine I won't worry about it, I'm trying to get us a baby, but don't worry about it, it's not important". Lots of arguing and talking later I found out he thinks I'm giving up on having a child ourselves and he's not ready to give up. He has faith that we will get pregnant. I got him to realize that I'm just scared. Scared of never getting pregnant again, scared of getting pregnant again and losing it. It's weird he's Mr. Pessimist, things are always going to go wrong and I'm the optimist. When it comes to TTC he's been the optimist the entire time and I've been the pessimist.

I am now going to go either take some Benadryl or left over Zofran because my UTI meds are making me a little :x. Or maybe it's the infection itself.

-->random side note. three days out of work and I had 280 emails when I got there this morning. Took four hours.